the depression is back again. feel so sad all day. the little bits of happiness don't seem to be able to dispel the boughts of sadness following it. i wish i got some of those happiness pills i wrote about years ago. i'd love to take some of those and get rid of this depression i seem to be going through.
on tuesday, went for metro sale at expo. bought myself some shirts, a $7 pair of jeans and a nice blue wallet. not that bad. then queued up for 50 minutes to pay. the queue was crazy. it was snaking all around the hall. to get to the end of the queue, we had to walk all the way round the hall. then when we got there, the queue was initially moving ok. then the guy in front of us answered a phone call from his wife (presumably). and while answering his phone, he stopped moving. meanwhile, the queue moves. and in that short space of time, 5 people jumped into the queue. and then that crazy guy left the queue. me went "hey!" as loud as i could. but no use lah. then later on, the queue suddenly slowed down so much that at times, it wasn't moving at all. wondering why. as the cashiers came into view, the answer was found. there was another queue formed next to the original queue and MERGING with the original queue!! what bad organization on metro's part. and that other queue was much shorter than the original one. *fumes* anyway, that evening went for the all saint's mass. daryl turned up. yay! so i didn't have to play the organ. jess was a bit soft but on the whole, it was ok. fr khoo wasn't as boring as usual. and fr khoo came over to us after mass to show off his ignorance that he didn't realise that the choir guys stood on the kneelers. it was kinda obvious lor. gosh. and so he went on and on about how expensive it would be to replace the kneelers if it was broken. kinda reminds me of the time he implied that we couldn't use the bass pedals on the organ cos it costs a lot to repair when it broke. bit of nonsense i think.
wednesday, back to school. cultural studies lecture was so empty. none of my group members showed up. so me was sitting at the back all by my lonesome self listening to prof phillips lecture about the postmodern condition and simulacra. which i still don't get. after all these years, including mdm yew's lecture about it and i still don't get it. sigh. duan hui crashed the last hour of the lecture. so at least got some company. i think she's been scared off studying cultural studies. poor girl. she just happened to come into a difficult lecture. prof phillips wanted to show us clips from "true romance" (which i sincerely hope isn't any zombie/post apocalyptic world film) but there wasn't time. his lectures are starting later and later nowadays. like this time, he strolled in at 10.15 and then went out to buy his coffee. and he gives us darn long breaks too. i had time to read my lime mag during that break. lit lecture was ok. dr roy was her usual boring self. it doesn't help that she puts the notes up on the screen cos all she does is read off it. like i said before, her voice is hypnotic. gosh. anyway, in the evening, had to go to ihm for all soul's mass cos ah-ma wants us to. so 'rushed' home after hanging around after class. took 10 with duan hui and then met elvin and andrea in 40 at tanjong katong. quite a pleasant surprise. as usual, elvin wants me to get andrew to join servers. all i can say is, i've been transmitting his requests for the past 2 years. don't kill the messenger. anyway, like i said, went to ihm. very reluctantly i must add. there's something about the death thingy that just gets to me. saw jerome. :) he still looks the same. there was this guy with special needs sitting behind me during mass. he was very enthu about singing. he was blasting away tunelessly. it was painful to the ears but keeping in mind that he's a special needs guy, it had to be tolerated. at least he's enthu about it.
thursday another holiday. supposed to be studying for my matlab quiz. but as usual, couldn't. there were other, more interesting things that caught my attention. for eg. dawn tells me that there's going to be a children's mass next week and ruth's going to cantor. another thing, one of my cantors suddenly became quite depressed about herself so (as elvin suggested) i wanted to try and talk to her about it. and then, went shopping again, looking for my freaking choir shoes. why the crazy choir can't use black shoes like everyone else, i don't know. anyway, went to JL specialist centre. saw the BNN girl. she's so slim now. saw soo hwa also. so nice to see them and talk to them. like old times at JLPP. miss them. they say that JLPP is really closed down liao. apparently it was supposed to be the compass point one that was closing but for some reason, parkway got the cut instead. so they all had to scatter. sad. but it was nice to see and talk to them again. wish could have meet nisha and latifah. forgot to ask soo hwa where they went. yup. anyway, walked over the somerset area trying to look for the freaking shoes. and still can't find it. either it's too expensive (like in robinsons, i found the perfect pair but it cost $80+), or it's not the right colour. sigh. btw, it's supposed to match ivory. so the shoes supposed to be kinda off-white/cream colour. which is nearly impossible to get. and getting home, rushed out my cultural studies project part. which i think is total crap anyway. poor kevin's going to have to do tons of editing for mine. oh ya, forgot to mention, managed to buy some christmas presents for the church choir people. haha! yes, we're all getting ready for christmas. robinsons has already decorated their store front and brought out the christmas tree sales stuff.
and friday. woke up with a absolutely horrible headache. how bad can the day get?? tried to go back to sleep to get rid of the headache but it just wouldn't go away. for some reason, i never thought about panadol. anyway, spent the morning trying to revise for my lab quiz. looking through the lect notes. then i composed the psalm for ruth almost from scratch. so proud of myself. haha! loaded it onto nwc, but it doesn't sound as good as i imagined it to be. just can't figure out the rhythm correct. sigh. but it's good enough for me at the moment. and so, go to school for one freaking hour only. maths quiz. sigh. well, it wasn't as bad as i expected. of course there was the horrible part of the transformations. i almost skipped that entire question. but there was time for me to go back and whack something. hopefully get some marks. haha! and hallelujah! gram-schmidt came out!! i was hoping it would be that and not projections. yay!! at least i know how to do that one. but the quiz had a bad beginning. i entered the matrix and then came out the matrix with like 10 decimal points. almost panicked. but luckily the thing turned out ok. i hope. mr toh was there today as one of the invigilators. scary leh, that guy knows my name. and i've never spoken a single word to him before, except "good morning". *shrugs* well, he's my tutor after all. but still...never mind. i think i've got a crush on him. but he's married so...;D(i'm in a much better mood today than yesterday when i wrote the rest of this post, which makes the title a bit redundant) anyway, today's the last time i'm going into the maths lab. going to miss it. sometimes i wonder if i should continue linear algebra 2 as my cross fac module. haha! see how my results are lah. was kinda hoping to do general bio cross fac with the rest of them. btw, did i mention that sumi and i are going on a cruise together? heeheehee! not really together lah, but the 2 families are going together so...yay! so excited. can't wait for december to come round.
in keeping with my philosophy that "depression is a state of mind. think happy thoughts!", i'm going to talk some happy stuff.
clay+gossip=clossip!
the top 10 things clay's children might say to him
10. can jerome take me for a ride in the Porsche? (note to those who don't know. jerome here refers to clay's bodyguard)
9. do you have to sing "lift me up" every time you pick me up?
8. tell me the story again about how the brave clay saved the beautiful kimberly from the evil simon.
7. you can get off the refrigerator. the kitty's gone outside.
6. you only sold 10 million copies this time? gee dad...
5. nooOO!!!! every time ruben comes over i never get anything to eat!
4. but i like you as a singer. i don't want you to be president.
3. mommy said tuck your shirt tail in all the way or not at all.
2. daddy, why is the basement full of panties?
and the number 1 thing clay's children might say to him...*drum roll*
1. did you really meet mommy on an internet message board?
:D
p.s. still not satisfied with the skin. ;p
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